Word Vomit: Wrong Decisions(?)

The end of November brought to mind some serious contemplation.

I felt like I did a lot of wrong decisions these past few weeks and days that I am currently reaping their effects. I don’t feel like I am living the life I want right now.

More importantly, I feel like I blew another good opportunity away. Like Jenna from MTV’s Awkward, I decided that a DTR should be in order. DTR means define the relationship. I let slip by him that I like him and I wanted to know what we were doing.

In my defense, I like to live in a world that is in order. I want everything to be defined and everything to be clear. I would like to know what role should I play and where should I place myself.

I have been through a lot of confusion with you and I wanted to know the real deal. You said that we are friends. And you said that you don’t know yet if we can go beyond that.

Fair enough.

The real torture is that you don’t text me anymore which is reasonable since your phone is broken. You have still been friendly during games and last night you seem too happy when we become teammates, by coincidence.

You are the perfect person to say this to:

When I feel like everything is over, you come right back and pull me in.

I have lost hope for everything when you called today. You were using a number that is not registered on my phone. You say that it’s your sibling’s number. That is too sweet for me. You called using another person’s phone to just say sorry for not texting and then it turned to talking about a game we are both watching on TV.

Tell me, why do you do that? Why do you do it when I am on the verge on letting my feelings go away? Why?


2 thoughts on “Word Vomit: Wrong Decisions(?)

  1. Awww. This is sad. Maybe because he also feels something for you but he’s just not sure what it is yet or maybe he is not brave enough to face it.

    Or maybe (the worse part), he doesn’t want to let you go because he likes the feeling of being liked by somebody. Maybe that is his ego boost.

    Whatever his reason may be, go with your instinct. In the end, your happiness depends solely on you.

    If you want to move on, then maybe you have to be distant to him for some time. 🙂

    I hope you become happier. Magpa-Pasko na, bawal ang malungkot 🙂

    1. Actually, I agree with what you first said, he’s not really sure of what he wants for now. He’s exerting effort and I feel it. He says sorry for things that aren’t that big of a deal. He says things that, if deconstructed, mean other things.

      It’s not really ideal, but I like how we are right now. Weird, no?

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